True. ~_^
Things my friends have said, things my sister has said, things my teachers and fellow students have said, things I've said, things I've overheard... the list goes on.
This is going to be constantly updated because Kassy, Kirstin, and I agreed that we are hilarious. (And very modest!) :D
(At college and career; Becky was feeling particularly silly and we had helped Aimee move into her new apartment across the street and made her bed. The guys kept asking what was wrong with Becky)
Joe: OK, what did you give Becky?
Becky: *Still giggling*
Lindsay: OK, if you must know, Becky is acting silly because me, her, Aimee, and Carissa were in bed together.
Guys: WHAT?!
Billy: Where was I?!
(We're at Bilbo's Pizza and Kirstin had given us some of her lotion before)
Kirstin: Look, we're leaving grease marks from the lotion.
Me *Drags fingers slowly across table to leave more marks*: There was a struggle... and she was dragged away...
(Kyle's four years old, has a high, squeaky voice, and he is showing us his truck)
Kyle: And my truck, it was covered in chocolate, and the wheels were sticking!
Me: How did it get covered in chocolate?
Kyle: Because the wheels were sticking!"
"Oh no. The stalkers are back."
"Do you think I wear too much green? Cuz if I do, I swear I'll never wear green again."
(No idea what the context is)
"Is God like a big cloud of dust?"- Kirstin when she couldn't think of the word "spirit"
(On our way to the church to get ready for a wedding)
Tymkew (the best man): We just have to make one more stop to my house. I forgot where I put the ring.
(Me, Kassy, and Kirstin are at Barnes and Noble because Kirstin wants to get Breaking Dawn)
Kassy: "I've never seen so many pre-teen girls in one place my whole life."
(Same night)
Me: I HOPE EDWARD DIES!
Kirstin: Carissa, you're going to get us mobbed!
Chad: Tell me I love him.
Kirstin: They didn't have the "speak now or forever hold your piece" part.
Kassy: Probably so nobody could object.
Laura (dramatic voice): I have to go. Carissa needs me.
Teacher: OK, what would a horse taste like?
Danielle: Glue.
Mandy: Sometimes you incure the wrath of God in me and I just want to smite you. Sometimes I just want to rip your insides out and pour sulfuric acid into your organs and just watch your organs mel and disintegrate until there is nothing left!
Kelly: "You know you have interesting friends when there is global destruction and you aren't one bit surprised."
Kelly: "You had a look and it was a aww isn't that cute look and you thought that you could get away with it."
Kelly: "Do you just let me talk to see what comes out?"
Kirstin: "So when I get married and my husband gets like 40 yrs old I'll divorce him for a hotter, younger man!"
Taryn: You're yelling at me!
Carissa: I'm not yelling at you!
Chad: "How could you possibly know that?!" (Upon discovering my genius at remembering obscure things from Disney movies)
Danielle: I am Omar and I make ladies go 'mmmm'...
(Three boys forming a sentence for English class- seventh grade; they were talking about Ms. H and Mr. Rice)
"Miss."
"H."
"Is."
"In."
"Love."
"With."
"Mister-"
"OK, class is dismissed!"
Kelly: HELP, I'M BEING SUFFOCATED BY THE FOG!
Guy: Will you go out with me?
Girl: No.
Guy: How come?
Girl: Cuz I don't like you.
Keith: Miss Draper, you should get married more often!
(Walking out of Wal-Mart very, very late at night)
Me (to no one in particular): WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND!
Ian: I will stab you in the skin.
Tucker (our teacher/mentor): I will stomp your souls.
Random girls in our cabin making fun of one of the adults: Deer, D-E-R!
Me: Sometimes I wonder if Jesus and his disciples had traveling songs.
Kassy (about her boyfriend): He's so emotional. He's more like a girl than me!
Me: Aw... he's just emo.
Kirstin (to her boyfriend): KITTY!
Laura (in the bathroom): Do you have any butter for my popcorn?
Steph: The chair tripped me!
Danielle: I like being a photographer because I can shoot and flash people.
(At a restaurant in Nebraska on our way home to Michigan; Kemi wanted barbecue sauce and couldn't find it)
Deah: I don't think they have it here.
Kemi (floored): They don't have barbecue sauce in Nebraska?
Kelly (on various occasions): I don't have a magical scar!
Kassy (checking her bag): I think I dropped my bagel outside.
(A couple minutes later)
Wes (walking in): I found a bagel on the sidewalk!
Chad: Now it's time to put on my sexy glasses.
Girl in class about older women: The older they are, the scarier they get.
Mr. Farrow (about his test questions): Ten is always C, just so I can say "Ten-is-c."
(Mr. Farrow is in his late forties, I think)
Mr. Farrow: How old do you have to be to run for president?
Class: 35.
Mr. Farrow: Am I old enough?
Class: No.
(At Wendy's)
George: Do you have strawberry frosties?
Counter girl: Yes.
George: Good, can I have chocolate?
(At college and career group)
Joe, Billy, or Bruce on different occasions: It's the Giant Sexy Squid.
Beery: Questions lead to more questions. And questions are bad.
Beery: Je ne l'ai pas fait. (Translation: I didn't do it.)
(Me and Kirstin are talking- more lisping- with our tongues sticking out)
Kassy: Why am I friends with you again?
Steph (to me): You're so lucky you don't have a boyfriend.
Tucker: Turn the camera off, you dork.
Laura: We're going to graduate, and then we get a trophy!
(After lighting a match and accidentally flinging it across the room and almost setting her on fire)
Laura (to Kassy): You almost be hitting my arm, set it on fire!
Laura: In the name of the moon, I will punish you!
Laura: "Shepherd?" Pause. "Shepherd...?" Pause. Sigh. "Shepherd..."
(We were watching Serenity and she came into the part where Shepherd Book was dying)
(Watching the beginning of the Goblet of Fire for the hundredth time)
Laura: Who's that?
Me: That's Voldemort.
Laura: Voldemort kills Cedric.
Me: Yes, he does.
Laura: He's not very nice.
(When it was spring again)
Laura: The trees are growing. Keep growing... keep growing...
Wes: Tucker, Tucker, what a happy little... trucker...
Preston: Hot guy!
Kassy: Where!
(Upon forcing our way into Kassy's incredibly messy room)
Kirstin: The horror... the horror!
(Four hyper girls shoved into the backseat with Kassy sitting on Steph's lap)
Kelly: There's a cop!
Steph: GET DOWN! (Pushes Kassy down)
Kassy: AAGH!
"You're in my seat, you... curmudgeon."
Courtney (after Tucker threatens to low her grade): I will sue you!
Tucker (to Mr. Ludwig about us): Hahaha, time to fail!
Charlie: You know, I don't think Voldemort was really all that bad.
Lee to Travis: Man, why do you always wear those Barbie pants?
Travis: I borrowed them from my sister.
Tucker: I will stab your eyes out with a spoon.
(He loves us)
(In the girls' cabin, going to sleep)
Kelly: Goodnight, Queen Susan!
Susan: Goodnight, my little princesses!
Kassy: Yes. I am an evil genius.
Beery: I'm going to take over Japanistan!
Mr. Branch (psych teacher): Freud was an idiot.
Student: He was a crackhead.
Mr. Branch: Actually, he was!
Kassy: IDK, my BFF Jill?
Me: That commercial makes me wanna slit my wrists...
Mr. Kolassa (referring to all the bouncy balls and hackysacks students have been using): No balls in the halls!
Chad: Guys are idiots.
George: Guys are like pop cans: Shake them up and they'll explode.
Billy to Ron (who is bald): I'll shine your head for a nickel.
"Nothing changes but the names, the games, and the trends... high school never- HOLY CRAP!" (Discovering a big huge spider)
(About disposal about the big huge spider)
Carissa: I found it and I had that big World War 2 book just in case and I dropped it on the spider. Then I jumped on it a few times. Then I dropped another book on it. Then when it was flattened against the book, I shook it into the trash and I tied the bag so tight that if it was still alive- and I wouldn't put that past it- that there was no possible chance of escape.
(It's late at night and there's construction)
Kassy: The turn's here!
Kirstin (who's driving): CRAP!
Kassy: Don't you always feel sad when you've killed someone?
Me: Oh yeah.
(About characters!)
(It's 6:30 AM)
Me (groggy): Hi Laura.
Laura: Hmph.
Gina (trying to find pi on her calculator): Where's pi?
Carissa: Well, it's typically found in bakeries...
(Nobody heard me! TT_TT)
Kassy: Now is not the time for inspirational music!
"Oh good. I'm not the only one who couldn't figure out the sink."
"One year we had Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup."- Geology teacher talking about "secret names" we had to think up because our grades were posted publicly
"We also had five Stewey Griffith's." (Same topic)
Kelly: I'm gonna have to take Crackle out... Snap and Pop are nothing without him!
(Kelly and I were talking about Kassy and Gomez)
Carissa (looking out the window): Hey, there they are! (Points at them)
Kelly: Oh yeah! (Also points at them)
(Kassy and Gomez walk up to us!
Kassy: Why are you pointing?
Kelly: Because we saw you!
Carissa: And wanted to point dramatically!
(Looking through wedding pictures)
Kirstin: There's Gary-Berry!
Steph: ...That's Harold.
(At a football game)
Me (dead monotone): Massacre.
(Talking about the best responses to Frankenstein)
Mr. K: What makes yours descriptive?
Justine: I used adjectives.
Mr. K: Why are you squinting? Do you need glasses?
Boy whose name I can't remember: I have glasses; I just don't wear them.
"Why am I yelling?"
"Nothing says megalomania like playing God."
Carissa: "I decided to bring back the 20's."
Kassy: "How?"
Carissa: "By writing a story about people in the 20's."
"Is a peach a vegetable?"
(Overheard)
(At Old Country Buffet for my grandpa's 71 birthday. I just finished the main course and was on the verge of explosion)
Grandma: Are you going to get ice cream?
Carissa: Oh God no.
Grandma: But it's Grandpa's birthday; you should get ice cream.
Carissa: *Groans* Noooo...! I'm full!
Grandma: Then get some ice cream later.
Carissa: ...
(Some time ago, same grandma)
Grandma (to Hayley): Do you want some cookies?
Hayley: No thanks.
Grandma: Do you want anything to eat?
Hayley: No thanks, I'm full.
Grandma: Are you sure?
Grandpa: Didn't you hear the girl? She's full. F-U... L-L.
(My grandparents are awesome)
(At college and career)
Becky (to me): Carissa explains it all.
Me (heavy on the sarcasm): Wow, I've never heard that before.
Kirstin: What's a Lumin-Christi three yard line?
Kassy: That's the team.
Kirstin: What's the third yard line?
Kirstin: How are you, Kassy?
Kassy: *Yawn* I'm just tired and pissed at the government as usual.
Carissa: It's an off day when you aren't.
(I should mention that we were at a football game)
Kirstin: OK. We're gonna scream in 3... 2... 1...
*Silence*
(About Kassy's liberal use of chat speak)
Carissa: You are slowly killing my soul.
Kassy: Precisely.
Kirstin quoting Lawton cheerleaders: OK, OK, OK. Alright, alright, alright. Alright. OK. Alright. Alright. OK. Go blue!
(They are so CREATIVE! I don't know if I could ever measure up!)
Kirstin (about Tymkew): He was crabby.
Kirstin's friend: Well he was hanging out with you all day. I'd be crabby, too!
Kirstin's friend: You guys are racist. That's cute.
(No, they aren't racist)
(Talking about Balderdash)
George: Every time I play that game, I can feel my hairline receding.
Carissa (looks at Ron, who is bald): You play that game a lot?
Ron (sigh): Every time I turn around...
(About Gomez and Kassy)
Kelly: "You're mean!"
Carissa: "Yeah... you guys deserve each other."
Gomez: "You just called her mean."
Carissa: "I know."
Kelly: More proof my boyfriend doesn't love me: He bought me cough drops.
Carissa: You can't kill Mal. He's hardcore.
Kelly (A note she found, to be specific): SHUT UP! SHUT UP AND REMAIN IN A STATE OF SHUTUPEDNESS!
(Note: GEB means Girly Emo Boy)
Carissa: Kassy, come listen to that funny battle song.
Kassy (who was sitting with her boyfriend): OK. (She gets up and Gomez holds onto her arm)
Carissa: You don't have to listen to the whole thing since GEB obviously needs you.
Kassy: ...and I woke up to hear Sharkey laughing and I turn to Justin and I asked, "What is he laughing about? What's going on?" And Justin goes, "I don't know, but in China there is something wrong with the baby formula and 6,000 babies are sick."
Brandy: *Laughs* He is such a bad, bad, man.
Aaron: He is such a god-awful man.
"'You can never have too much jewelry.' So girls were on one side, guys were on the other side, smart guys were in the middle..."
Gomez: What're more important- the tattoo or me?
*Kassy pauses to think*
Beery (out of NOWHERE): "Purple."
Sharkey (about Beery): He's like a [hmm-hmmm-hmmm] pigeon.
Kassy: Do not feed the pigeons!
Sharkey: I'm not really a person.
Danielle: Two platypi waddle into a bar. The rest is history.
Beery: I will murder you.
Danielle: My phone is an Egyptian sun god.
Danielle: Public embarrassment is a good thing... when it's not happening to you.
"I'm gonna go cut myself so I can feel."- Bruce
"Jesus is gonna shank you!"- Billy
"If I'm patriotic, I just might blow up the country."- Lindsay
"I don't have lipstick either."- Dave
"Vegans can only eat moon rocks and spandex."- Lindsay
"Facebook is like MySpace with a driver's license."- Becky
"If I could put my legs behind my head, I'd never leave the house!"- Joe
(Carissa is in front seat because she thinks she's going to drive...)
Laura: Carissa, why are you sitting there?
Carissa: Because I'm gonna drive.
Laura: You have to sit back here!
Carissa: Can't I drive?
Laura: Mmm... no.
Carissa: Pleeeeeeeaaase can I drive?
Laura: No.
(To Kelly, who had gotten bruised because Ken elbowed her because she tried to change the radio station... in short, she did something stupid)
Carissa: You're a genius.
Kelly: Shut up.
Carissa: You're like Einstein.
Kelly: Shut up and remain in a state of shutupedness!
Carissa: You could give Einstein some serious competition!
Kelly: Shut up!
Kelly: Apparently, you never change the radio when a man is driving.
(Asking what we thought of Frankenstein- this is a Literary Interpretation class. As in thinking obsessively)
Mr. K: Ryan.
Ryan: It was alright.
Mr. K: ...
(Talking about what race had to do with Frankenstein; our group had thought it was because Frankenstein had created a new race and was prejudiced against it)
Carissa: ...And he didn't want to give Frankenstein a companion because he didn't want there to be any more hurting people... and stuff...
(Class laughs)
Mr. K: "And stuff"...
(In a line to get reimbursment checks and people had been cutting)
Lindsay: There is no integrity in this line.
Kassy: My grandmother is Super-Christian and she will not have anything on top of the Bible, not a Kleenex, not even dust.
Danielle: But it makes a good coaster...
(Talking about the reading assignment which was said to be boring... and it really was)
Mr. K: Was it anything else besides boring?
Dude whose name I can't remember: It was also incredibly lame.
"We used to kill each other all the time, but now we don't get the opportunity."
(You know what? I'm gonna leave that out of context)
"I'm reading! I know everything now!"
(Overheard)
"Would a Jamaican banana be any different than a regular banana?"
(Someone at college and career said that a long time ago...)
"I have some bad news."
"What?"
Pause.
"The cars are all on fire."
"Oh, cool."
"I earned this acid reflux."- Joe
"We're a church group. Give us some food."- Lindsay
"I'll give you Bill if I'm wrong."- Bruce
(Apparently, I misheard; Bruce said, "I'll give you a hundred dollar bill if I'm wrong.")
"I love cell phones. You can just call people up and prove them wrong."- Joe
Lindsay: "I'm getting a headache."
Joe: "That's good!"
Joe: I wrote for the show.
Sarah: Did you?
Joe: No.
"I did have a nice dress on."- Ron
"McCain is an American. Obama is a terrorist."- Joe
"I have a demonized car."- Billy
"My name is going to hurt you."- Joe
Billy: Are you guys actually pregnant?
Rob: Yeah.
Billy: Good job.
"I have a foreign car. An '89 Ford Silica."- Becky
(In reference to "I'll shine your head for a nickel.")
"I'll shine your head for free."- Debbie
Carissa: I'm perpetually young.
Kassy: Where's my emo...?
Kassy: Hello, my sugar plum fairy!
Gomez: Bite me.
(Upon finding out that Gomez not only learned Kassy's middle name from yearbooks, but was all but stalking her)
Carissa: GESB.
Kassy: *Confused*
Carissa: Girly Emo Stalker Boy.
Danielle: Are you an assassin?
(Overheard)
"They're engaged?"
"Engaged? As in going to be married?"
"I know what engaged means."
Cheniah: I was one of the last humans alive.
Cheniah: *Picking up her phone* Hello?
(Silence)
Cheniah: What the [hmmm-hmmm-hmmm]?!
Danielle: It was a ninja.
Cheniah's friend: Your boyfriend has a right to stalk you.
Danielle: Dangling storm troopers in the air. It's beautiful.
Cheniah: During spring break, you can go out at night and shoot people.
Carissa (to Danielle): Hey, can you go over and tell Kassy to get over here and say funny things?
(Talking about why Kelly can't stay the weekend at Amber's because there'a a creepy stalker girl)
Amber: And my dog might eat her.
Carissa: I had half a bagel for lunch.
Mom: What happened to the other half?
Carissa: I had it for breakfast.
"Can we eat the soap now?"
Kassy: Curse you, banana! Curse you!
(Don't ask)
(About stage fright)
Carissa: It was like I was having little mini seizures all over inside my body.
(We were talking about feminist critical reading in literary interpretation)
Some dude: Women are getting thoughts and ideas. It's dangerous.
(Sarcasm! I hope...)
IdeasInTheAir: What are you doing? You killed him!
Kassy: If one us us dies, we should take the ashes and throw it.
Kirstin: I smelled so much my brains fell out.
Football fan #1: Hit him hard!
Football fan #2: Hit him low!
Kassy: JUST HIT HIM!
Carissa (to Kassy): Don't be spiteful, even though that's your nature!
Carissa: You don't think your boyfriend's cute and that makes me laugh.
Carissa (again...): Why am I always texting during the climactic moments?!
(Kassy kept saying, "Write it down!" So I did...)
Tymkew (about the homecoming court girls): Cute and cold, cold and cute.
Kassy: I'm a horrible person, aren't I?
Carissa: Yes.
(We're rooting for the Mustangs and the Giants are the opposing team)
Little girl: Go Giants!
Little girl's mom: No, we cheer for the Mustangs!
Little girl: Go Moose-stangs!
Becky: Stop touching me!
Billy: Well you stop touching me!
Carissa: Said the married couple.
(Reading the Bible, Deuteronomy 25:5-10, at verse 8. It's basically saying that if a married guy and his wife live with the guy's brother, then if the husband dies without any kids, the brother-in-law has to marry the widow)
Bruce: "...If he persists in saying, 'I do not want to marry her,' his brother's widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, take off one of his sandals, spit in his face and say, 'This is what is done to the man who will not build up his brother's family line.' That man's line shall be known in Israel as The House of the Man Whose Sandal Has Been Removed."
(Pause)
The whole group: *Bursts out in laughter*
"I'm prostituting for Christ."- Lindsay
Joe: Oh, hey Bill, you left something in here... your sense of humor!
Carissa (who has a posterboard): I really hope someone makes a grammatical error today so I can hold up this *motions to posterboard* and say, "Don't make me beat you in the name of grammar!"
(Talking about the new WWID characters, particularly Sim, Tig, and Tig's little sister Tal)
Carissa: I'm pretty much falling in love with Sim and Tal.
Kassy: *Doesn't care*
Carissa (who means to say TIG's little sister): Sim really likes his little sister.
(Pause)
Carissa: That didn't come out right.
Kassy: No, it didn't.
"No matter where you go, someone will beat you up for pouring soup on them."- Kelly
Kassy (to Gomez): You're a tough homeless guy!
(I think you had to be there... ^^'')
"Curse you, leprechauns..."- Mrs. B
"I need to find something better to do with my feet."- Unknown. Possibly Joe.
"Are you seriously telling her not to have a baby on your wedding day?"- Lindsay
(Explanation: One of the due dates for Sarah's baby is May 9, which is Aimee and George's wedding)
"Please don't let us be able to have children."- Becky
"Die, potato!"- Ron
"I'm like, really short!"- Ron
"You're a Wilhelmina."- Becky
(Aimee and George are going out to get something)
Rob: You two have fun.
(They leave)
Rob: Crazy kids.
Ron: You gotta go work?
Bruce: Supposed to.
"It could be a torture chamber."- Bruice
"Hey, kick me in the ankle."- Bruce
"Fine, I'll go with the dungeon look, then."- George
"OK, who wants to petition to get George fired?"- Joe
"I'm about as handy as a dead squirrel!"- Joe
"Everything's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious."- Sarah
"I'm a plumba from anotha motha."- Joe
"Evolution's not real; I'll explain later."- Billy
"He sold his soul for magic tricks?"- me
"I'm drowning in an inch of mud!"- Joe
"Yes, I'm such a skank."- Lindsay
"Five-year-olds are always looking at thongs."- Lindsay
"You guys are all my spouse!"- Joe
"The Office is the devil."- Bruce
"You cannot shank people."- Bruce
"Sarah's unborn child is not a virgin."- Linsday
Mr. K: Carissa.
Me: *Deer in headlights look*
Quiana: *Laughs* The look on your face is priceless.
Laura: You chickhead!
Carissa: *Practically chokes* What did you say?!
Mom: She said "chickhead."
Carissa: *Laughs* Oh.
Mom: Can't I sing?
Laura: No.
"Yeah, the game's pretty much been over since third quarter."
"Then why can't we go?"
"Cuz the game's not done!"
"But you said it was!"- Kassy and Tymkew vs. Kirstin and me
*After AWANA Christmas party* Kyle: "When are we going to Cubbies?"
Me: "We were just playing games tonight. There wasn't Cubbies."
Kyle: "But it's Cubbie night!"
*Trying to teach Laura to say "Who are you calling a cootie queen, you lint licker!"
Me: Repeat after me. Who are you...
Laura: I'm Laura, what's your name?
Me: *Burst out in laughter* No, repeat after me. Who are...
Laura: ...you...
Me: Yes!
Laura: Laura!
*More laughter*
Me: "Nothing says genocide like happy bouncy music."
---A little background behind these following Kassy quotes. It is really super cold outside, and it was somewhere around 30 and Gomez has been described as a "polar bear."---
Kassy (upon Gomez holding her hand): COLLLD! HANDS OF DEATH, HANDS OF DEATH!
Kassy: Don't put that thing down my shirt!
Kassy: I'm not holding that; your hands are DEATH.
---
Carissa: Are you sick again?
Kassy: I've always been sick.
(Carissa and Amber burst into laughter)
(Because George was too tired to come to college and career)
Rob: Too tired for Jesus?
Dave: "How's that!" SLAM. "Whatever!" SLAM.
"The power of Christ compels you to not give him crap!"- Rob
Bruce: What's with the energy savers, man?
Lindsay: They save energy.
"Don't listen to him; he's stupid."- Lindsay
"Weapons of mass instruction."- Dave
Lindsay: Joe... eat my nuts.
Joe: ...
"It's usually not good to pass out."- Lindsay
"I could totally use maternity clothes."- Joe
"I have to have a little girl named Lightning McQueen."- Lindsay
"You all must die."- Kassy
"They can suffer my wrath later. No big deal."- Kassy
"C'mere... c'mere... c'mere... can I use your shower?"- Brandy
"I didn't kick the thing; my feet hit the bottom of it!"- Kassy
Mr. K: You're very troublesome.
Me: It's what I do.
Mr. K: I thought so.
"More proof my boyfriend doesn't love me: He made me stay in school."- Kelly
"What kind of a world are we living in when trees pick fights with defenseless old men?"- Kelly
(We were talking about Mmbop for some reason and I misheard)
Joe: How old are you?
Me (thinking he said WERE): 9 or 10.
Everybody: *Bursts into laughter*
Balderdash response for a movie summary: A romantic comedy about a boy and his grandmother. (Courtesy of Becky!)
"Your mom is Santa Claus."- Bruce
Billy: I'm at a table with three girls.
Becky: Cooties!
Becky: Can you put Sunkist in my cup?
Billy: Can you put punch in mine?
Becky: That would defeat the purpose of making you get up.
Billy: But your plate's empty!
Becky: *Brandishes roll*
Becky: I like your gold eyeshadow.
Betsy: Yes, it brings out your eyes. As it should. (Pause) It's eyeshadow.
Lindsay: Did you just jingle your fat roll?
"I swallowed a toilet last night."- Susan mishearing Becky
"I need a salt block."- Becky
Betsy: What are we playing?
Becky: Your mom.
Carissa: Let's play Queens. It's like, um, uh, well, like, um, um, uh...
Betsy: Well... that's a good start.
Becky: Let's play a rousing game of spoons!
Ron: Where did you get your sweater?
Joe: The Flamboyent Store.
Lindsay: Betsy and Susan, we're waiting on you.
Susan: I'm making your pie!
"I am going to explode."- Dave
Joe: I'm afraid to sit down.
Becky: Why?
Joe: I might not get up.
Betsy: We're all winners.
Lindsay: No, we're all losers.
"Do you just come into a man's house and bust his table apart?"- Dave
"They're not pants, Kassy. They're trousers."- me
(Playing Monopoly)
Lindsay: I will give you all my property and all my money for nothing.
Becky: I don't want it.
Joe: If it's all right for you, it's not all right for me, but it's all right for you, it's all right for me.
(@_@)
Lindsay: Little pieces over there?
Billy: That's what she said.
Susan: You need to try something new.
Lindsay: That's what she said.
"Those are anchovies."
"They smell like hamsters!"
"What's more horrifying than Boy Scouts and mosquitoes?"- Lindsay
"You are such my home slice."- Susan
"This is a delicious bonanza."- Billy mishearing Joe
"I'm gonna break out in song."- Susan
"Americans are Irish Jamaicans."- Joe
"I don't like tapeworms."- Elliot
(Talking about his medication's side effects)
Joe: I didn't know it was going to affect my body.
Susan: There is no "i" in paint.
(We had spent ten minutes talking about pizza)
Susan: What do you think of this?
Carissa: We're all crazy.
Joe: You are like a scalding iron on my brain!
(This is an old one)
Dad: Laura, don't you need some ketchup?
Laura: Yes. Carissa, go get ketchup.
Carissa: *Laughs* Yes, my queen.
Laura: I'm not a queen! I'm a princess.
(Overheard)
"Can I bite you?"
"If you bite me, you will die."
(This is from the beginning of the semester)
Mr. P: How far did you get?
Student: I got the book.
(Overheard again)
"I glued my mouth shut... leave me alone!"
(About the movie version of "The Importance of Being Earnest" by Oscar Wilde. One of the male leads finds out that he's in love with his cousin and the class is still processing that)
Aloh: Isn't she his cousin?
Carissa: Haha, incest!
"What kind of a world are we living in when innocent pies are ruined in the name of grocery shopping?"- Kelly
"Holy crap, this whole thing is turning into a pile of turds!"- Bruce
"There is a time and place for spankings and abuse."- Bruce (...)
(Grandma opens her present, which is basically a fancy-looking air freshener)
Grandma: Ohhh... (pause) what is it?
(About a card)
Grandma: Oh, look at the little kitty!
Grandpa: That's a dog.
Joe: I just thought you should know that your grill is completely on fire.
(We got on the subject of how sporks are the result of incest and pedophilia... are you surprised?)
Kelly: *Adopting redneck accent* I've been watching my little cousin grow up for four years...
"Patience is a virtue. Not one of mine!"- Kassy
"Everything gives you cancer now. I'm gonna get cancer from looking at that cloud."- me
"I'm not an adult anymore."- Laura
"I don't like eating babies."- Becky
"Only in Christian love am I going to punch you in the face."- Lindsay
Dave: Whose car is that?
Me (totally not listening): Chicken nuggets.
Bruce: *Reading* ...clothe yourselves in humidity-
Everybody else: *Bursts in laughter*
(Talking about a super-chocolatey dessert)
Joe: That is diabetes in a box.
Jen: *Satisfied* Yeeeaaahhh....
"I want a prescription eye patch."- Dave
(Recording with the T-Pain iPhone app)
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Joe is a tea pot!"
"Joe is a tea pot!"
"Joe is a tea pot!"
"I am a tea pot!"
"Joe is a tea pot!"
"I'm praying to protect our church from the forces of evil."- Dave
Kirstin: "Luna is a Roman name, not Latin."
Carissa: "Roman and Latin are the same thing."
Mom: *Messes up the Rubik's Cube*
Carissa: Put it back.
Kirstin: Coach Mitzy!
Tymkew (to student): Keep walking...
Kirstin: Mitzy!
Carissa: A little louder, Kirstin.
Kirstin: MITZY!
Kirstin: Kassy, you need to have a baby. Now.
Kassy: Why me?!
Kirstin: Because you're oooolllllld!
Kirstin: Mitzy's Indian name is Pretty Face Runs With Kitty.
